


Robert's Imaginary Boyfriend

by thesnowyswan



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Jealous Aaron, M/M, aaron/alex, but pretty much secondary to those two idiots, robert/omc, try'na work out his feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-02-26 08:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13231464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnowyswan/pseuds/thesnowyswan
Summary: I had an anon ask me to write about Aaron seeing Robert meet someone else and being jealous about it.The fic is titled 'Robert's Imaginary Boyfriend' because he does not exist in canon, not because he is actually imaginary. Plus it's what I call/hashtag him on my tumblr.





	1. First Impressions

It’s a little after Aaron’s birthday when Robert brings someone to the pub with him.

His mum is glaring at Robert as she seems to permanently do these days and Alex asks her if she’s alright as they walk up to the bar.

“Oh, it’s nothing, love.”

Except it’s not nothing. Sitting down next to Robert is a fit bloke, and if Aaron had to guess, with his hand on Robert’s knee under the table. Robert catches him looking over and smiles.

Aaron doesn’t know what possesses him, but he walks over.

“Y’alright?”

Robert nods, “Yeah, just popped in for a drink. You?”

“Same.”

Robert’s ‘friend’ coughs exaggeratedly and Robert rolls his eyes, “Ciaran, this Aaron, Aaron, Ciaran.”

“Hullo.” Ciaran offers his hand and Aaron shakes it.

There’s a soft lilt to his voice, Scottish, and it’s softer than you’d expect from his rugged appearance. He’s got dark hair, dark green eyes and the makings of a decent beard as he smiles up at Aaron.

“And is this your fella?” Ciaran nods to Alex who brings Aaron a beer.

“Alex.” Alex offers his hand and they shake too.

It’s all very civilised.

Robert seems to remember himself and stands, “Do you want to—" gesturing to the seats.

Alex starts, “We wouldn’t want—”

Aaron, in his continued madness, sits down. Alex sits with an ‘okay, then’.

“So, how long has this…?” He asks as nonchalantly as he can.

Ciaran smiles, “Not long, I ran Robert over in Tesco and in his dazed state I took advantage to make him go on a date with me.”

“Ran?” Aaron asks.

Robert shakes his head, “He physically knocked me down while I was looking at fancy cheeses for Vic.”

“There’s my luck, a sexy bloke looking at cheeses, I clearly couldn’t contain meself.”

Robert laughs and takes a sip of his pint.

Alex even jumps in with that one, trying for Aaron he assumes, “I get it, I met Aaron while working on his sister. Sometimes things just happen.”

“Working?” Ciaran asks, perked up.

“I’m a doctor.”

“Lovely.”

Aaron takes the opportunity, “What do you do then, Ciaran?”

Robert coughs and Ciaran tries to not look smug, “I work in insurance, home insurance.”

Aaron shakes his head, not sure what he’s missing.

“Apparently, I am too good looking for insurance. Robert didn’t believe me when I told him, so I _had_ to take him back to my flat to show him.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Robert interjects, but Ciaran laughs at him.

“Alright, sure. We all believe that, don’t we?” He turns back to Aaron, and Ciaran gestures with his hands, “So, I tell him as he’s looking at my very boring files, ‘I’m moving back into claims, but governance is alright once you know your way around.”’

Robert laughs, and he gets a faint blush to his skin because he’s embarrassed at being caught out. Aaron feels Alex rubbing his knee when he’s been staring for too long and he smiles at his boyfriend before taking a sip of his own pint.

It’s weird seeing Robert with someone else, to see him have jokes and fit with someone who isn’t him.

They mostly then talk about their day jobs, Ciaran listening intently when Alex starts a story about a woman in A&E with an unfortunate – genital – affliction.

Robert catches his eye and nods at him, mouthing, “Y’alright?”

He nods back, but in truth, he’s not. Faced with the reality that Robert isn’t _his_ anymore is something that hurts a lot more than he thought it would.

~*~

“There’s somethin’ there, ain’t there?” Ciaran prods while Robert goes to the toilet and Alex grabs a round.

Aaron folds his arms and makes a disinterested face.

“Oh, come on, we’re all friends here, right?”

It takes him a moment to realise that Ciaran is digging. Robert hasn’t told him he was married, let alone that he’s sitting opposite Robert’s ex-husband.

“Robert is a good one, right,” Aaron tells him, leaning forward. Ciaran doesn’t back off, but his eyes do sparkle, and Aaron hates it.

“Not denying that, but you and he, right? That’s the vibe I’m getting.”

“We were.”

“But it’s over now? You’re with Alex?””

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I like him, and I don’t want to like him if he likes you.”

“Well, he doesn’t.”

“We both know that’s a lie.” Ciaran finishes his beer and looks at Aaron with an exploring sort of gaze, “he likes you a lot, but you’ve got a fella.”

Aaron wonders if he thinks that Robert is pining after a man with a boyfriend, hoping for a chance, not they were a couple that broke up and Alex is the one after Robert.

“It ain’t gonna happen.” Aaron is a bit more forceful than necessary and Ciaran holds his hands up like a surrender.

Ciaran also looks at him thoughtfully, “Makes you wonder why.”

Aaron feels exposed enough as it is, he isn’t going to give away any more of _them_ tonight, “Ask Robert.”

“I will. I was just asking you too.”

Robert reaches the table first putting down fresh pints, obviously giving Alex a hand, for Aaron and Ciaran, and Alex follows behind him. When Alex balances himself on Aaron’s knee as he sits back down, Aaron holds his hand and laces their fingers together. It’s a soft protection that doesn’t do much, but it does give him the strength to see the night out. Alex squeezes and he remembers why they’re good together: he’s lovely and sweet and _not Robert_.

It’s pretty uneventful after that, Ciaran has an early morning, so he has to go, everyone gets up to say their goodbyes, and when Robert grabs his jacket to leave with him, Aaron pulls Robert to the side: “You like ‘im, yeah?”

Robert looks back at Ciaran, “Yeah, I like him.”

There’s nothing else he can really say to that, “Okay.”

“Stop worrying, Aaron, I’m alright.”

“I know, I just…care about ya.”

He hates how his ‘caring’ feels like hot jealousy in the pit of his stomach. He ain’t gonna lie about that to himself, how part of him just wants to kiss Robert and steal him back because he can be _his_ again. Only that’s not fair, to either of them. They don’t work as a couple, so he needs to do what Robert’s doing and let go.

“I appreciate it, but I’m a big boy and we’re just…having fun. I’m not looking for serious.” The ‘it’s too soon after you’ hangs in the air.

“You might not be, but he might.”

“Then I’ll figure it out.”

Aaron sighs, “Just be careful, yeah?”

Robert smiles, “Not sure I can promise that, but I’ll try.”

“Robert.”

“Aaron.”

They both stare each other down until Ciaran touches Robert’s arm and motions to the door. Aaron can’t help but notice that grip and how it takes Robert from him.

Alex is leaning against the bar with an understanding look on his face and Aaron just feels worse.

“Go on, say it then.”

“I’m not saying anything.” He kisses Aaron’s forehead and holds his hand.

“How can ya stand it?” Him talking to Robert when there are obvious feelings there.

“You could be with him, Aaron, but you’re not. You’re with me.”

“And that makes it okay?”

He sighs, “Okay? No, I wish you were all mine, but you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t care.”

“You think that’s what this is?”

“It’s what I tell myself.”

And Aaron is back to feeling like the worst. “It was just a shock is all.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t expect—”

“Aaron, it’s alright. Let’s just go back to yours and finish our night.”

~*~

Aaron lies in bed that night and wishes that Alex were a bit less understanding. He wants rules and order to stop him from feeling like this, like he’s losing the man he loves all over again. He wants to be told that it isn’t his place to care anymore. Divorced in head; divorced in heart, but he’s not. He fears he may never be. Alex’s arm around him tightens in his sleep and Aaron tries to fit himself back into the space he made in his head named ‘Aaron and Alex’ to try and ignore the bigger hole that says, ‘Aaron and Robert’.

 


	2. The Unexpected Coffee Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The second time Aaron meets Ciaran, he isn’t expecting it to just be the two of them._

The second time Aaron meets Ciaran, he isn’t expecting it to just be the two of them.

He’s popped into the café to grab a coffee and Ciaran is staring up at the menu until he sees Aaron.

“Oh, hey, Aaron. What’s good?” He gestures to the board.

Aaron raises his eyebrows and indicates two to Bob, “Lattes. Cake’s alright, better off with a pastry.”

“Ta. I’ll get these.”

“What–?”

Ciaran hands over the cash before Aaron can really do anything about it.

“I’m new in town so I have to take my chances with friendships and run.” He laughs, and Aaron doesn’t necessarily feel weird about it, just at odds. Should he be friendly to his ex-husband’s new…fling?

“Alright, yeah.” He goes with it and moves to sit down, and Ciaran sits opposite him. He has trimmed his beard and he’s wearing a shirt and trousers now – insurance bloke, Aaron remembers – and he looks sort of like one of those fashion models who chops wood but also wears expensive watches.  

It hangs between them ‘did you talk to Robert?’

He’s guessing no by the friendliness of his tone.

“Robert says you run a business,” Ciaran tries, and Aaron folds his hands over his stomach. Part of Aaron just wants to get in his face and ask him if he really wants to do this. Be Aaron’s friend when he clearly knows that Aaron and Robert have something. The sicker, more twisted part wants to poke around and see exactly what Robert has said about him.

“Yeah, a scrap company, doing well, just bought the Mill too.” He doesn’t need to know anymore than that, now does he? Just that Aaron is young, successful and owns property. Part of him thinks that Robert would be proud of him for selling himself so high.

“And you’re only twenty-five.”

“Twenty-six.” Aaron corrects him.

Ciaran doesn’t miss a beat, “Happy birthday.”

That riles him. The smoothness of him. Makes Aaron feel rough and unfinished.

“I’m thirty-three since you didn’t ask.” Ciaran takes his latte as Bob brings it to them and takes a satisfying sip if his ‘aah’ is anything to go by.

Older than Robert, more experienced. Aaron wonders if he can see it on Ciaran, the life he’s lived, the people he’s loved. He’s got laughter lines around his eyes and the starts of ones around his mouth. Not a miserable sod then.

“Talking to you is an experience.”

That catches him, “Whadda ya mean?”

“I imagine it’s what it’s like going into the police for questioning. People just start telling you stuff to fill the silence.” Eyebrow raised, Ciaran looks at him to see if it’s a lie.

He settles with, “Don’t know a lot of coppers then?”

He smiles at Aaron, and it’s soft and knowing, “Maybe not as many as you.”

Aaron knows his façade drops, even if it is minutely, Robert didn’t tell him they were married, he didn’t dob him in on this. So, he just stares Ciaran down until he leans back into his chair, mirroring Aaron’s stance.

“How long have you been in insurance?” He asks because it’s the polite thing to do as he picks up a sugar packet and stirs it and another in.

“Since I was 20. My dad’s mate got me a job and I never left. Money’s good and I’ve been able to travel so I can’t complain.”

“Up in Scotland?”

That gets a twitch, “To start with yeah, but I was always too big for my small town. You ever feel like that, Aaron?”

Aaron leave Emmerdale unless he had to? “No, I don’t.”

He wants to press more on the twinge, but he doesn’t know how to go about it unless he goes bulldozing into it.

“How are ya finding it here if you didn’t like it there?”

Ciaran laughs, “It’s more different than you’d think. Accepting.”

His sexuality then.

“Not many gay men in Scotland then?”

“Gay, sure. Bisexuals are rarer.” He takes another sip of his coffee, “Everyone either thinks you’re after their lass or that you’re trying to come on them. Can’t say kilts ever did it for me.”

 _Bisexual, like Robert._ _Is that why he likes him then?_

“And you just couldn’t stand the confusion?” It’s a bit more confrontational than he’d like, but it upsets him more than he’d expect it to. He didn’t gravitate towards Alex because he was gay, probably the same way Robert didn’t gravitate towards Ciaran because he’s bi, it just feels like an inadvertent slap. _Look, someone who gets it_.

Ciaran laughs again, “You know, I think I like you, Aaron, nothing gets past you.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“I can also see what Robert liked about you.”

_Liked._

_No._ **Loves**.

“Unravelling you must have been a pretty prize; I can definitely see the appeal.” It’s the first cross thing Ciaran has said to him and it isn’t even a cross thing. Now, he’s standing up and dropping money down for a tip. “The thing about complicated things is that they’ll always be complicated.”

Aaron stands up too and offers his hand. Ciaran shakes it and Aaron doesn’t let him go, “You always gonna fight for Robert like this?”

That smile is back, the one that tells Aaron that Ciaran is intrigued by him, “I think I will.”

“Good. ‘cause I take up a lot of space in his life.” Aaron lets his hand drop and he walks away.

It’s stupid, reckless and he was the one who made it a thing, and Robert is probably gonna have a go at him for metaphorically pissing on him, but Aaron doesn’t care. This bloke doesn’t know Robert like Aaron knows Robert. He doesn’t get to make sweeping statements about what Robert _liked_ about him, about what _they_ were.

He stalks into the pub, his mum trying to catch him on his way through, but he just storms into the back and sits himself on the sofa.

He digs out his phone and sends Robert a text: **your bf is a knob**.

Petty and childish, but he feels better.

He gets back: **???**

**Aaron?**

Okay, he feels stupid now, and he puts Robert out of his misery: **dsn’tknw gd cffee.**

Purposefully sending it in mostly vowel-less text speak because Robert hates it.

 **Oh, thanks for helping him**.

Suddenly, he wonders why he ever agreed to be Robert’s friend at all. He sighs because he expects that he will have many more conversations like this in the future and he is just going to have to lump it.

_I’ll be the best friend you’ve ever had._

_Me too, Robert. Even if it kills me_.


	3. The Gandhi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It gets weirder still when Ciaran shows up in the pub later with Alex in toe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honour of the birthday boy, I suppose. Happy birthday, Aaron!

It gets weirder still when Ciaran shows up in the pub later with Alex in toe.

“Just found your Alex wandering in and I figured I’d pick his brain.”

There’s nothing of their earlier conversation on his face.

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” _Two can play this game_.

He also doesn’t forget the ‘your Alex’ comment either.

“The best curry place in Hotten. He’s undecided, and Robert is still doing paperwork, so you’re my best hope.”

The best curry place that he knows of is the little one that he and Robert used to order from on a Saturday night. It only delivers because it’s a tiny little hole in the wall with great keema naans.

Alex looks at him, “Aaron?”

Every part of him wants to hold onto this, another thing that’s _theirs_ but he’s being forced to give up because they’re not a couple anymore.

In the end, he thinks about Robert and what he’s done for him.

“The Gandhi. It’s a little place, only delivers. Better call in now if you want it before bed.”

It honestly feels like giving a piece of himself away.

Alex rubs his back and he takes a breath before he puts himself behind the bar to pour them all a drink.

His mum gives him a kiss on the cheek as he passes her, “Hey, love. Alex. And?”

“Ciaran.” They shake hands, and Aaron prays to God for the strength to deal with all this ‘adult’ stuff.

He does jump in with, “Ciaran is Robert’s bloke.”

“Unfortunate.”

Ciaran takes it on the chin, “I’d say I’m doing alright.”

Aaron steps on his mum’s foot before she can open her mouth again, and she glares at him as he reaches across her to hand Ciaran a pint. He opens a bottle of house red for Alex and uncaps a Bud for himself. He likes that he can peel the label when he’s feeling off centre. Ciaran looks like he wants to say something to his mum, so he gently shoves her out of the way.

“Let’s…go.” He tilts his head to the side and Alex gets his meaning, standing up and tapping Ciaran on the shoulder.

“Not a fan of your mum?” Ciaran asks as they relocate to the seats under the window.

“Mum’s not a fan of Robert; history.” And that’s putting it lightly. There’s a pause for him to elaborate but he ignores it. In fact, they’re both staring at him.

“What? I bought the round, recommended the food, what more do you want?”

Alex smiles and pulls on the back of his hoodie, “Your mum owns the pub, you answered a question and you think you’re cute, and you are.”

He rolls his eyes, “And you’re daft.”

“That’s sweet,” Ciaran interjects before he pulls out his phone. “Oh, it’s Robert. Looks like he’s gonna meet us after all.”

Aaron tries to ignore the fact that he isn’t the one Robert texted. They all talk a bit of crap before Robert arrives, he takes off his coat, putting it down to sit on before he leans down to give Ciaran a kiss. Happily, on the cheek, Aaron notes.

“Alright,” Robert lets out a tired breath as he sits down, “Work without Jimmy is mental.”

Aaron gets up, “I’ll get you a cold one, alright.”

“Ta.” It’s absentminded, comfortable and it makes Aaron smile. He gets him a Bud like himself and holds it from the top so that he takes the bottom.

“So, The Gandhi later?” Ciaran says quietly to Robert, squeezing his elbow.

Robert looks straight at Aaron, and he shrugs.

“Er, sure, why not.”

Aaron gets up to go to the bathroom and he gets collared by Robert while he’s washing his hands.

“The Gandhi?” His brow is drawn in like he expects those words to impart all the information to Aaron, they don’t, so he just ignores him and grabs a couple of paper towels to dry his hands. Robert pulls his arm and draws him back, “ _Aaron_.”

“What? He asked, so I told ‘im. You wanna eat a crap curry, be my guest, tell ‘im I’m wrong.” He tries to walk past Robert and he’s shoved back again. “Robert.”

“That was ours.”

And that’s all it takes. The intangible flare of _them_ burns hot inside Aaron’s chest the moment its allowed out of its cage.

“It _was_ ours.” He cools its fire because he has to.

Robert’s face crumples a little and Aaron breathes, takes a step forward, to do what, he doesn’t know, just he’s being pulled and he can’t fight it.

“It’s a good place, yeah, you’ll make new memories.” Aaron watches as Robert takes a breath, closes his eyes, lifts his head and opens them.

“I should have been the one to tell him.”

 _Like our marriage?_ “Tell ‘im what you want, but I won’t lie.”

There it is. His line in the sand.

“Fine, same with Alex.” It’s an empty suggestion. Alex would never go to Robert for anything because he thinks Robert is a dickhead. He’s softening towards him, the less Robert interferes, but his past transgressions do stick out like a sore thumb.

They’re still sort of in their stand off when Ciaran comes into the toilet, “Didn’t know it was a convention in here.”

Robert laughs, his lips still caught up in a smile as he gives Ciaran a kiss, on his lips this time. It’s quick, habitual, and exactly the kind of kiss being in a relationship would have. He leaves the toilet and Aaron is about to go after him when Ciaran catches his arm.

“Jesus, what is it with people and loos—”

“What is it between yers?”

Aaron goes to shake him off, but he stops. He sees it then for what it really is; a chink in Ciaran’s armour, a weakness, and it’s Robert. He really, genuinely, likes him and Aaron being, whatever he is, upsets the status quo. In that moment, Aaron realises he could end it here. Tell Ciaran everything and he’d walk away to save his own heart.

But he knows exactly how he feels. How good it is to be in the softness of Robert’s gaze. The focus of his attention.

“I’m his friend, and that’s all I want to be.” It’s not a lie. Anyone asks and it’s true as the sun rises. “You need to worry less, mate.”

Ciaran seems mollified, his body sagging with relief.

In the end, he doesn’t do it for him. He does it for Robert, who’s trying to find his feet and how to _be_ with another person. Take the pressure off in the hopes he’ll find happiness.

Doesn’t mean he isn’t gonna call him on his shit.

**tell hm u wer [rings emoji]**

**he deservs btter**.

He should probably turn on autocorrect but let Robert work it out and let it sink in deeper because of it.

 **I will**.

 _Liar_.

 

 

 

It weighs on Aaron, and he’s still thinking about it when he goes to bed that night. Alex is lying on his back and when Aaron gets in he turns to lie on his side, away from Aaron.

Normally, he does a bed time shuffle where he lies on his side, his back, his other side and ends up lying on Alex’s chest because he feels weird about doing it straight off. Tonight that won’t be the case it seems.

It’s quiet so he almost doesn’t catch it.

“You’re holding onto him.”

“No.” It’s instinctive, irrational, and he sighs straight after. “I’m not.”

“You are, Aaron, let him go. Let Ciaran be that for him now.”

Everything is a twisted up jumble inside him. There are tendrils of things, like restaurants they went to, places they visited that he didn’t realise that they could have meaning until they did. He doesn’t know how to separate himself, or Robert, from that. Robert was his husband, he intended to spend the rest of his life with him. It’s not like he can get a biscuit cutter and gingerbread him out.

Aaron rolls over and tucks himself up behind Alex’s back, his knees behind his thighs, his belly against his back, and his nose pressed against his hairline while he slings his arm over his waist. The way he used to sleep with Robert.

“Robert is good, we’re good.”

“If you say so.” But Alex’s fingers curl up around his wrist and pulls his arm over more and up under his chest.

 _I do_.

I do.


	4. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Robert wakes up the next morning with a belly full of tasty oily curry and almost sticky white rice when he gets hit by Ciaran’s arm._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this just because I've not been feeling myself so I decided to let it be free, or whatever. What will be, will be.

Robert wakes up the next morning with a belly full of tasty oily curry and almost sticky white rice when he gets hit by Ciaran’s arm. He’s never known anyone to extend and flail their limbs as much in sleep as this man and Robert doesn’t hesitate to bite said arm when he doesn’t move it.

“Ow.” Ciaran grumbles as he scrubs his face with his hand. “Forgot the animals here don’t come with a warning sign.”

He laughs and rubs Ciaran’s back where he’s laying on his front, kisses his shoulder before flinging his corner of the duvet on him.

“What? No brunch?” Ciaran heckles from where Robert is grabbing clean pants. “You’re really letting a bloke’s expectations down.”

“All of them?” Robert replies smugly as he leans over the bed and slaps the duvet where Ciaran’s arse is.

“Oh yeah, you’re a real gentle lover.” It’s sarcasm but Robert knows he’s more than capable.

Still, he laughs a little louder, and Ciaran grabs him, pulls him down before rolling himself over Robert to trap him. He bites the skin over Robert’s ribs in retaliation for his early chomp and carries on down his belly and Robert has to shove him off because his beard tickles. Ciaran’s mouth comes up and kisses Robert’s neck while his hand lays flat on his stomach.

“You gonna be late?” Ciaran asks him.

It’s his day with Seb and he’s picking him up from the café, he’s learned to let a lot of crap go with Rebecca because they’re both trying and it more or less works.

Only, Ciaran doesn’t wait for Robert to reply before he’s inching lower.

“Depends. Tit for tat?”

Ciaran’s slinging one leg over Robert’s while Robert trails his fingers through the hair on Ciaran’s belly. Ciaran’s answer is to kiss him and continue his path.

Robert gets up properly after that, wiping himself with his now extra disgusting boxers and picking up a towel from the fresh pile he washed the other day.

He’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth when Ciaran comes in and kisses him on the neck, fully dressed, and his hand cupping Robert’s hip.

“It’s the Walk of Shame for me, you have a good day with yer son, alright.”

Robert spits, “I’ll drive you.”

“Nah, I left my car in the village and I want to show off how thoroughly debauched I am.” He’s joking, but Robert still pokes him for it. “It’s fine, Rob, I think it’s okay if people know that we spend nights together.”

People, he guesses. Part of him doesn’t want Aaron to see, but he’s been nothing if not supportive. It still seems a bit unfair to lay this at his door – literally, Ciaran’s car is outside the pub – but he’s dating Alex and seems okay with it.

“Okay, call me later?”

“Mmm, count on it.” Ciaran wipes his mouth free of toothpaste and kisses him, a hard press that lingers before he smiles. “Later.”

Robert just stares after Ciaran as he cleans his hand and his smile widens to a grin. He really is lovely, and Robert landed on both feet with him, but he can’t help but worry that he’s not ready for it. He’s not really dated since Aaron, definitely not another man, and he has a son to think about so really he’s a mess within a mess.

And it’s not like Ciaran decided any of this for himself. Ciaran knows all about Seb, even met him in passing, but he’s not a secret that Robert hid. His _ex-husband_ is. He hadn’t intended it that way, he was just so overcome with this person, this beautiful man who wanted to get to know him, and that he had no preconceived notions about Robert to colour his judgement. And Robert will always feel like the biggest mistakes he ever made were the one’s with and towards Aaron. So, he lied by omission.

Part of him gets the feeling Ciaran is circling anyway. Aaron has been more skittish than usual and he only gets like that when he has to lie.

In fact, he throws him a text: **coffee later?**

**K. Y?**

Robert sighs, he had hoped that someone, anyone, would knock him out of that text speak habit, but he guesses today is not that day.

 **Got Seb, we can talk**.

**:)**

 

Aaron meets Robert in the café when Robert already has Seb in his detachable car seat on the sofa next to him and his pram folded up on the floor in front of them.

Robert already bought Aaron a latte in a to-go cup when he said he was leaving and it should still be hot. He gets a thank you and Seb sneezes, so Aaron blesses him as he dumps in two packets of sugar.

“Didn’t know it was your day with him.” Aaron nods his head.

Robert smiles, “Yeah, we’re trying it. So far so good.”

“What did ya wanna talk about?” Aaron stirs his drink but Seb puts up a fight with a strong wail, so Robert has to get him out of his seat to shush him, only he keeps crying.

“Erm, you hold him, I think I have a bottle somewhere.” Robert doesn’t think about it, just hands his son over, like he does with Vic and Diane all the time, and hunts for the bottle. He mostly uses formula as he does not have functioning breasts and he made one earlier.

Seb has stopped crying, cuddled up in the nook of Aaron’s elbow, cheek against Aaron’s chest where Aaron’s hand comes around to hold his bum and the other helps rock Seb’s side.

“Guess they were right, you are a baby whisperer,” Robert tries to make light of it, but it hurts. The way Aaron is looking so softly at Seb, rubbing his thumb on his tiny forearm, completely lost in the baby of him.

Reality doesn’t shutter Aaron the way Robert thinks it would. He clearly realises he has to hand Seb back and he does, but he doesn’t stay soft. He rubs his nose, looks down and Robert knows he isn’t open anymore. It reminds Robert that Seb was never the problem, not really. He was. He also realises he can’t talk about Ciaran, it’s too much. Even if Aaron says he’s okay with it, Robert’s not, he won’t put that on him, not after everything.

Robert gives Seb the bottle and he suckles happily as Robert rocks him, “Just wanted to…see you.”

It sounds lame, but Aaron doesn’t even blink at it.

“Dismantling some new scrap, trying not to murder Gerry, nothing outta the ordinary.” Aaron shrugs. He’s watching Robert with that gaze of his, that tells him he knows Robert isn’t being truthful, but Robert just turns his attention back to Seb, sitting him up to rest on his chest ready for burping in a minute.

The thing is, Aaron is the only person Robert wants to talk about this with. The only person who is going to understand how Robert feels.

He sighs, “I haven’t—"

“Told Ciaran you were married, gathered that.” Aaron takes a sip of his coffee, “Starting to feel a bit of déjà vu here.”

“It never feels like the right time.” He rubs Seb’s back, starting low and working his way up and then repeating.

“There ain’t gonna be a right time. S’not like I told Alex.”

 _Ouch_.

Aaron does laugh so that eases things a touch, “Did me a favour, but I wouldn’t’a chosen it like that.”

“Would it help if I said I was sorry?”

Another coffee slurp, “Whatever floats your boat. I gotta go, and he wants burping now.”

Robert checks, and Seb’s mouth is working like he wants to burp but can’t quite get there. _Aaron Dingle: baby whisperer_ , it has to be a thing.

He isn’t expecting when he’s tapping Seb’s back gently that Aaron brings his hand down to rub on Seb’s back, catching Robert’s fingers instead. He wants to say his heart freezes, but it pounds, harder and heavier than before, every pulse is a beat for the spark that he feels when Aaron touches him.

“Maybe you need to figure out why you won’t tell him.” Aaron tells him, vaguely, and his fingers trail almost up to Robert’s wrist before he smiles softly, coffee in hand, and leaves.

He’s brought out of his almost hypnotised state by Seb hiccupping and chucking up on the muslin cloth. It’s only a bit and his shirt is safe, so he rocks his son in his arms and notices how fussy he’s getting.

“You like Aaron, is that it?” Robert laughs nervously, he’s a baby, he’s got no concept of object permeance so there’s no way he knows Aaron. “Or does he just give good cuddles?”

Robert shifts so that he holds Seb the same way Aaron did and he slowly starts to drop off, “Yeah, I liked Aaron’s cuddles too.”

_Ciaran is great, but can there ever be anyone when there’s Aaron?_

He knows he swore to let Aaron go, and he’s happy, Robert can see it in the ease of his body, the lack of tension in his eyes, but he can’t stop his own heart from crying a little bit:

_I’m broken. Fix me._

And the piece that fits isn’t a ‘great’ bloke, but an unavailable grumpy one.


End file.
